whoa, dream big!

Who else is in the room with you?
Nobody.

Callbacks for Fall Play today. Waste. Of. Time.

I sat in a freezing auditorium, feeling like shit on toast, for two solid hours before being called to the stage to read lines. Two fucking hours. I watched people go up to the stage six and seven times to read lines before anybody else. I'm starting to think that being involved this year was a big mistake. I thought this year I wasn't going to get involved to begin with because shit gets stirred up and most of the time it's not a fun experience. That, and I need a job to pay for a car, car insurance, and a trip to France among other things. So maybe I should've gotten a job before this.

So here's what ticked me off first about this. My director [Let me just say, she's an amazing lady. I love her to death. She'd cut off her right arm before refusing to help someone.] gets this "great" idea that she should send out a flyer for school students/alumni to write a one-act play. Right off the bat, the word 'FAIL' is blinking in my head. She's better at this, she knows she is. Automatically, I thought it wasn't a good idea. I thought it was going to be a bunch of sappy and unentertaining shenanigans.

Well, who called this one?

Some of them are downright horrible. There's one about a guy in a fucking puppet show, one about this guy who dies in a car crash and comes back to his family as a ghost to tell him he loves them [and then leaves], one about this woman who is still bitter after 60 years about a stupid relationship [and is commentating on her own reminiscents], one about three terminally ill men who put moves on and are sexist towards the nurses in the hospital they stay at, and one about a fucking talent show at an elementary school. THESE WERE WRITTEN BY FUCKING 17 AND 18 YEAR OLDS, AND THEY COULDN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING BETTER?!

So, about 90 students come out to audition. Woo and yay, we weed out 20 or so people and we've got a fucking play. She didn't eliminate ANYONE. So a process that should have taken two or three days tops, has now taken four days. And she didn't even start to eliminate. Today during callbacks, all she did was pluck out the people who suck up to her the most and she used them numerous times. So really, she only paid attention to about 20% of the people who were there, which I think is absolutely absurd. It's unfair to do that to people. I only went up once, and I got stuck reading lines for a role that had three fucking lines and a bunch of pantomime [which I'm horrible at, by the way. Verbal acting is where I excel. I can't do anything without props.]. I understand that there were a lot of people that got called back. I understand that maybe she wanted to try a few of the same people in a couple different scenes. But to use someone five and six times in a row for something, it's outrageous, and she should know better.

Right now, I'm appalled. I'm considering telling my director on Monday that getting a job ASAP is more important to me this year than this play. I love acting, I really do. But this just looks like a waste of my time. And I feel horrible talking about my director like this, because she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. She could never say a bad thing about anyone. But I hope on Monday she realizes that she can't keep plucking the same people out over and over and expect great results.

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read my rant. Most of you probably have no clue what I'm even talking about, seeing as I live in the corner of Bumfuck USA and it's not exciting news. But, while you're reading this, I'm fuming and crying and telling my sister all about it.

Enjoy your day. :)

...For giving me that wretched fucking stomach flu that's been going around. I haven't eaten in a day and a half and I'm so miserable. I can't even drink water because my stomach is like 'HEY, I don't want that here!' and I feel like puking for an hour. It's pretty bad. :( Hopefully by tomorrow it's gone and out of here. I already missed my fall play auditions today because of it. But fortunately I can try out on Thursday, so it's no biggie.

Today I go to school, and I barely make it off the bus without throwing up into my neighbor's hair, and I decide that I can't get through the day. I'm miserable enough as it is, I'll go to the nurse and just go home. Yeah, that plan really worked. Someone was in there, tossing cookies in a major way, so I ran out almost in tears. I decide to call my mom in the main office and I had to explain to the lady behind the desk that I had a phobia of vomit and that I couldn't be in the nurse's office while the other person was in there sick. So I waited for my mother for an hour until my mom got there. The lady claimed my mother was digging her way from China to get me. So my mom comes, and I have to explain to eight different people about why I just couldn't go to the nurse to go home. Totally annoying.

So I came home, and I slept, and I watched eight hours of syndicated talk shows, divorce court, and Maury. Tomorrow should pretty much be the same thing.

Did you tell the truth in every question?
Yes.

1) How are you at the moment?
I'm good actually.

2) Why?
The past few days have been rough from not feeling well and stress and a whole bunch of other things. Today is the first day where I haven't gotten up out of bed wanting to vomit.

3) Give me 5 bestest persons at buzz.
Oh jeez. There are quite a few, I couldn't possibly name them all. :)

4) Do you like yourself?
I've done things [especially this year] that I'm not too proud of myself for, but all in all, I think so. I'm a good kid, I don't do hard drugs, I'm so nice I practically let people walk all over me, and I love until I have no more love in me.

5) What do you like to do in your free time?
I sleep, I read, I listen to music, I constantly edit my Facebook profile and I'm always doing Myspace surveys.

6)Do you think you're able to do everything you'd like to right now, from that place, are you confident enough //not in future?
I don't exactly understand this question, the syntax and grammar are all over the place.

7) Do you think fighting makes any sense?
It's never gotten me anywhere. All it's gotten me are broken friendships and three hour cry-fests.

8) Was last question clever?
No?

9) Which places you'd like to visit?
Chicago and LA are definitely on the list, since they're two places I'd where I'd like to live. However, I can't decide which natural disaster I'd like to live through yet. Blizzards and tornadoes or mud slides and earthquakes? I'd love to visit all over Europe, and I'll have one country down next July [I'm going to France! :D].

10)Honestly, give me one person from buzz, who made you feel special, like their friend? why?
Ok, I'm cheating here, since I'm not very good with names/buzznames, I'll have to say Nicole. :D We go to school together and I always bum gum off her and she never complains! :)

11) What kind of cell phone do you have?
I seriously must be the only 16 year old on the face of the planet who doesn't have a cell phone.

12) would you like to have (new) one?
I would. My school's administrators have their heads up their asses, and they removed all of the free payphones in the lobby, so now I have no way of calling home after school.

13)Do you like to smile?
Yes. :D

14) write poems?
I have before. And I must say, holy shit did my inner emo barf all over them. They're horribly sad lol.

15) eat?
Yes?

16) English?
Cheerio?

17) French?
Nope, I don't speak it yet.

18)Slovene?
What?

19) polish?
Uhhhh.

20)sports?

I hate sports.

21) internet

Love it.

22) Do you think life gets better or worse day by day?
It depends on your outlook on life. You could either carpe diem by saying "Hey, it could be worse, it could be raining and my belly button could uncontrollably itch" or you could fuck yourself over every day by saying "Oh, one more day til I kick the bucket..."

23) Are you nervous or calm person?
Lately I've been nervously calm. I've been racked up about school starting and not getting things done and together, and I've also been calm and completely letting things go for a day or two. It's starting to scare me.

24) Is there any message you'd like to tell the world?
Hmm. I don't know. Probably a warning about Angelina Jolie taking your babies or something. ;)

25) What's your favorite line in the song?